High-conflict Separation and Divorce: Options for Consideration
"Protecting Children of High-Conflict Divorce" (Brandt, 1998)
|This parent plan is for Children of:||COURT CASE NO.|
|Mother||Soc. Sec. No.|
|Father||Soc. Sec. No.|
The Child/ren of this marriage (or relationship) under age 18 are:
|Name||Date of Birth||Present Address|
We have crossed off the portions of this document where we do not have agreement or do not desire agreement. We have checked the boxes for a particular option where we have agreement.
1. RESPONSIBILITIES AND DECISION-MAKING
We each have a heartfelt and legal responsibility to provide for the physical and emotional needs of our child/ren. When our child/ren are scheduled to be with father, father is the ON-DUTY parent. When our child/ren are scheduled to be with mother, mother is the ON-DUTY parent. We agree that the ON-DUTY parent will make decisions about the day to care and control ofour child/ren. Neither of us shall schedule activities for our child/ren during the time the other parent is ON-DUTY without prior agreement of the ON-DUTY parent.
We care about the well being of our child/ren. We realize we both are very important to our child/ren and they need each of us as an active parent throughout their lives. We respect each parent's separate role with our child/ren. We will give our child/ren permission to love, and be proud of, the other parent. We shall put our child/ren's needs first in planning their living arrangements. We understand that each child is an individual and may have different needs and that these needs will change as they grow older.
2. RESIDENTIAL SCHEDULE
We shall follow this specific schedule so our child/ren know what will be happening to them and when they will be with each other and with each parent.
Our child/ren shall have a home base with [ ] mother [ ] father [ ] both mother and father and have regular contract with the other parent as listed here (list days, evenings, overnights, times):Mother shall be ON-DUTY and our child/ren will be with mother as follows:
Father shall be ON-DUTY and our child/ren will be with father as follows:
3. SUMMER RESIDENTIAL SCHEDULE (if different than residential schedule outlined on page 1)
During the summer, our child/ren shall have a home base with [ ] mother [ ] father [ ] both mother and father, and have regular contact with the parents as listed here (list days, evenings, overnights and times):
Mother shall be ON-DUTY and our child/ren will be with mother as follows:
Father shall be ON DUTY and our child/ren will be with father as follows:
4. HOLIDAY SCHEDULEThe holiday schedule specified below overrides the residential schedule after our child/ren are older than years. When a holiday falls on a weekend (this does not apply to either Spring Break or Christmas Break), the parent who is "on-duty" for that holiday will be "on-duty" for the entire weekend unless specifically noted otherwise. If the holiday schedule results in our child/ren spending 3 weekends in a row with the same parent, we agree that the "other" parent will have the child/ren for the weekend following the holiday weekend. This will result in each parent having the child/ren for 2 weekends in a row.
On MARTIN LUTHER KING DAY, PRESIDENT'S DAY, MEMORIAL DAY, AND LABOR DAY WEEKENDS, our child/ren shall remain with the parent they are normally scheduled to be with that weekend through Monday at 7:00 p.m. unless noted differently in the "other" section on page 5.
Our child/ren shall spend SPRING BREAK with father in [ ] odd [ ] even numbered years and with mother in [ ] odd [ ] even numbered years. We define SPRING BREAK as the following time period:
Our child/ren shall spend EASTER [ ] Sunday [ ] weekend with father in [ ] odd [ ] even numbered years and with mother in [ ] odd [ ] even numbered years.
Our child/ren shall spend MOTHER'S DAY with mother and FATHER'S DAY with father each year.
Our children shall spend July 4th overnight to July 5th with father in [ ] odd [ ] even numbered years, and with mother in [ ] odd [ ] even numbered years.Our child/ren shall spend THANKSGIVING from Wednesday after school until [ ] Friday [ ] Sunday at 7 p.m. with father in [ ] odd [ ] even numbered years, and with mother in [ ] odd [ ] even numbered years.
[ ] Our child/ren shall celebrate CHRISTMAS on December 24 from 9:00 a.m. until 9:00 p.m. with mother in [ ] odd [ ] even numbered years, and with father in [ ] odd [ ] even numbered years and be with the other parent from 9:00 p.m. on December 24 until 9:00 p.m. on December 25.
When any of our child/ren are school age they shall spend CHRISTMAS BREAK as follows:
5. TRANSPORTATION-CHILD/REN AND BELONGINGSWe shall arrive on time (no more than 10 minutes early or late) to drop off and pick up our child/ren. Because remembering is difficult for child/ren, we shall deliver our child/ren's clothing, school supplies and belongings at the same time we deliver our child/ren. We shall return our child/ren's clothing in a clean condition to the parent who purchased the clothing.
When our child/ren are scheduled to return to father,
[ ] father shall pick them up at (place)
[ ] mother shall drop them off at (place)
When our child/ren are scheduled to return to mother,
[ ] mother shall pick them up at (place)
[ ] father shall drop them off at (place) .
Although our child/ren need living arrangements that are predictable, if something unexpected or unavoidable comes up, we shall give each other as much notice as possible. If we are unable to agree on a change to the schedule, this residential schedule shall be followed. If this results in the need for child care, the scheduled ON-DUTY parent shall make the child care arrangements and pay for the cost of child care.
To keep our child/ren out of the middle of our relationship and any conflict that may arise between us, we shall not (A) ask them about the other parent - OR - (B) ask them to give messages to the other parent - OR - (C) make unkind or negative statements about the other parent around our children or allow others to do so. We shall treat each other with dignity and respect in the presence of our child/ren. We shall keep our conversations short and calm when exchanging our child/ren so they won't fell afraid or anxious. We agree our children may have unlimited telephone access to each of us between the hours of and .
During long separations from our child/ren, we will maintain frequent contact with them by telephone, letter, post cards, video or audio tapes, etc. We will encourage and help our child/ren stay in touch with the other parent by telephone, letter, etc. Before leaving, we shall give each other the address and phone number where our child/ren can be reached if they will be away from home for more than 48 hours.
We shall not operate a vehicle when under the influence of alcohol or non-prescription drugs when our child/ren are in the vehicle, or use these substances [ ]at all [ ] carelessly when ON-DUTY as parent. We shall not leave our child/ren under age unattended at any time.
[ ] Only (names) are to be present when our child/ren are exchanged.
[ ] We shall not use, nor allow anyone else to use, physical discipline with our child/ren.
[ ] Only biological or adoptive parents (no stepparents) can use physical discipline with our child/ren.
[ ] All contact between our child/ren and (name) shall be supervised by
[ ] Neither parent shall allow our child/ren to be in the presence of
We shall instruct our child/ren's schools to list each of us and our respective addresses and telephone numbers on the school's records. We will contact our child/ren's schools to find out about their needs, progress, and special events including parent-teacher conferences. We shall also share information about our child/ren's school progress, behavior and events with each other. We will encourage and support our child/ren's efforts for further education such as college or technical training. Major decisions about our child/ren's education (such as which school they will attend) will be made by
10. EXTENDED FAMILY
We recognize our child/ren will benefit from maintaining ties with grandparents, relatives and people important to them and we will help our child/ren continue to be with these people from time to time.
11. FINANCIAL SUPPORT
We understand that the Idaho Child Support Guidelines (ICSG) require each of us to contribute to the support of our children based on our respective incomes and that child support shall be set in accordance with these guidelines. Child support shall be paid until our child/ren turn age 18, or up to age 19 if they continue attending high school.
We understand that we may reach our own agreement regarding which parent will claim which children for tax purposes. However, if we are unable to reach our own agreement, the judge will assign the tax exemptions to one parent in accordance with the ICSG.
For income tax exemption purposes, father shall claim (child/ren's first names)
in [ ] odd [ ] even numbered years, and mother shall claim (child/ren's first names)
in [ ] odd [ ] even numbered years.
12. CHILD CARE
If occasional (not work-related) child care is needed by the ON-DUTY parent, we [ ] shall [ ] are not required to offer the other parent the chance to provide this care before seeking someone else to care for our child/ren. The ON-DUTY parent shall make any needed occasional child care arrangements and pay the cost.
Because the basic child support award does not cover work related child care costs, father shall pay % and mother shall pay % of the cost of work related child care. These costs shall be paid directly to the child care provider in advance. The work-related child care provider shall be chosen by .
13. HEALTH CARE
We each have a right to our child/ren's medical information and records, and we will communicate with each other on major health care for our child/ren. Major decisions about health care (such as the need for surgery) will be made by . The ON-DUTY parent shall make sure our child/ren take their prescription medicine. In emergencies, each parent can consent to emergency medical treatment for our child/ren, as needed, and we shall notify the other parent as soon as it is possible to do so.
Health insurance coverage for our child/ren shall be provided by [ ] father [ ] mother [ ] the parent that can obtain suitable coverage through an employer at the lower cost. In addition to child support, we shall share costs for our child/ren's health care which are not covered or paid in full by insurance (including the cost for health insurance premiums and deductibles, medical, dental, orthodontic, and vision care). These out of pocket health care costs shall be prorated between us in proportion to our ICSG incomes. Currently father's share is % and mother's share is %. Our shares of these payments shall be paid directly to the health care provider unless already paid. When the other parent has already paid the provider, our share shall be (1) reimbursed to the other parent 30 days after receiving the bill - OR - (2) 30 days after receiving proof of how much the insurance company paid on the bill, whichever occurs last.
14. MOVE FROM CURRENT RESIDENCE
We shall give each other as much notice as possible and at least days notice when a decision to move is made. A move of miles or more makes it difficult to follow the schedules in this Plan and requires a new agreement. We shall resolve the changes concerning our child/ren and have them made an order of the court before moving our child/ren to a new location of over miles.
[ ] This plan is being made with the knowledge that is planning to move to in the near future and this plan has been designed to accommodate that move
15. CHILD/REN'S OUT OF STATE TRAVEL
We shall not remove our child/ren from the State of Idaho without an advance written agreement by both of us. We shall include the date we shall return our child/ren to Idaho in our written agreement.
Once this plan has been made an order of the court, we realize we must continue to follow this plan even if the other parent does not. When we cannot agree on the meaning of some part of this agreement, or if a big change (such as a move or remarriage) causes conflict, we shall make a good faith effort to resolve our differences through mediation before returning to the court for relief.
Reasonable costs shall be awarded to the prevailing party in any action brought to enforce any terms of the agreement.
[ ] Our child/ren will be legally and publicly known by the surname (last name) of .
In this section, some parents also choose to include agreements regarding one or more of the following items: how child/ren's birthdays will be celebrated, how holidays other than those specified in the holiday section will be spent, religion or religious training, provisions for or decisions regarding mental health care, allocation of costs associated with post-high school education, children driving or owning a motor vehicle, special family occasions, visits with/to extended family members (particularly grandparents), visits with/to stepchildren, or how the 'on duty' parent will help keep the 'off duty' parent involved in "special moments" of the child/ren's lives.
ONCE THIS AGREEMENT IS MADE AN ORDER OF THE COURT, this agreement shall be in effect until further court order. Any changes to this Agreement shall be made in writing, dated and signed by each of us. Until such written change is made an order of the Court, this agreement will govern any dispute. Our signed copies of this agreement (check all that apply):
[ ] shall be delivered to our case judge to be merged and incorporated into the divorce decree or entered as an order (at the discretion of the judge)
[ ] shall be delivered to our attorneys for their review
[ ] shall serve as our parenting arrangements until our divorce/modification is finalized by the court
- Date modified: